Success

I remember when, up until only a few months ago, success seemed to the only thing I was aiming for in this life. Right now it feels like it would be such a sell out. With all I learned in the past few months about other cultures (from all the people I've met) and from all the reading I've been doing about the people who live in poverty-stricken, disease-infested, corrupted government-ruling, war-torn places. Not all the bullshit we see every day. Not the oh-so-high-prices at the gas pump. Not the guy who just spilled his Starbucks coffee on your Mac. No, none of the shit. How can we run around "filling" the meaningless voids in our lives with so much shit that we don't remember those people who could actually benefit from the help we have all the power to give. It seems like in today's age, it is almost impossible to be it all. How can you be a successful (savage) capitalist and still do anything for anyone else?

I just want to say fuck it. Fuck this higher education that I've been throwing my money at for the last two years. Fuck the bullshit, dead-end job that's at the end of these "best years of our lives". The only things I care about I haven't heard a whisper about in any of my classes. What I want (and hope) to do with my life is sure as hell not something that can be learned in a classroom. I want dirty hands. I want a sweaty shirt. I want to help the people who need help.

Getting up and going to my Computer Aided Design class in 6 hours is going to be harder then I can say with words. But I'm still going to go. And I'm going to hate myself for it. I guess I just don't have the balls to get up and walk out. Yet.